Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost? I'm trying to take a dump!"

Elderly Moment

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?" The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says to his companion: "Aahh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies: "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the man says. His friend offers another suggestion: "The poppy?" "Nahhhh," growls the man.

"You know - the one that is red and has thorns." His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Still Single

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Revenge Is Sweet

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.

The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love.

He asked his wife to move out, with the understanding that he would buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

The first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

The second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

The third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining room table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each room, and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned the kitchen and left.

The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started, slowly but surely.

Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.

They tried everything; they cleaned, mopped, and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in; the carpets were replaced, and on it went.

Finally,they couldn't take it any more, and decided to move.

The Moving Company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.