Catch a Rabbit

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

"Out of Office" automatic email replies out there...

1) I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2) You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3) Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4) I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5) Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6) The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7) Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

99' little bugs in the code

99' little bugs in the code
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,....

> (Repeat until BUGS = 0)

Jokes

Santa MUJRA Dekhne Gaya,
Sari RAAT Mujra Dekha.
Mujre Wali Ne kaha-SAAB Humne Aap ko KHUSH kiya
Ab Aap Hume KHUSH karo
Santa utha aur
NACHNE Laga..!



Sardar: Kal jo shampoo liya tha usaka free gift do
Shopkeeper: us pe free gift nahi hai
Sardar: pagal Samjha hai? us pe likha hai "DANDRUFF FREE



Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.



Bhikhari:Sahab Aapke Padosi Ne Pet Bhar ke Khana Khilaya Aap bhi
Kuch De dijiye
Santa: ye le HAJMOLA kha le



1 makhi ganjay ke sir per ja baythi,
Dusari makhi nay kaha,
“Wah kya ghar mila hai tujhey”
Pehli makhi boli:
“Kahan yaar, abhi to sirf plot kharida hai”

Library Joke

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

Crazy People Talk

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

Funny Inheritance Joke

The Old Professor (TM, dammit!) poses the following problem to one of his classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Pauly raises his hand and says, “A lawyer?”

Eye Tricks

Look at the chart above and say the COLOR of the word, not the word itself.

Do you see a musician or a girl's face?

How many legs does this elephant have?