How To Get Hired At Walmart

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

Blondie Gets Even

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "The trucker out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is . . . an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, What are the beans for, Blondie?

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, head lights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

Behaving Oddly

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."

New Nurse

Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had moved out of state.

They interviewed Nurse Karen and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse
Karen go.

"Why, we just hired her?"

"Well, I think she is dyslexic and gets thing backward. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it
almost killed him. I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour."

The doctor had barely finished his reasons when the other doctor rushed out of the room.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" the doctor asked.

"To find Karen, I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill's Boil!"