Zoo Job

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

The Sultan's Robe

In the last century, there lived a sultan who waged war tirelessly and finally made himself master of a largish desert.

"Surely I'm the greatest monarch in the world," he said to his vizier, one day. "What do the people say about me?"

"They're all praise for you, Your Excellency," said the vizier, "all except one man, Ali, a camel-driver by profession. He's always running you down."

"How dare he!" roared the Sultan. "Bring him here at once. I'll cut out his tongue!!"
When Ali was brought to the palace, he threw himself at the Sultan's feet.

"At last my dearest wish to see you has come true," he said, obsequiously. "I used to say nasty things about you so that I might be brought into your august presence."

"Why?" boomed the Sultan.
"So that I might recite the poem I have written in your honour, O Merciful One."
"Recite!"

Ali began to recite a poem his grandfather had taught him in his childhood. It proclaimed the greatness of Alexander, the Great but Ali deftly substituted the Sultan's name for Alexander's whenever the need arose.
The Sultan was flattered.

"Good poem," he said, when Ali had finished. "Describes me exactly. You deserve a reward. Choose from one of these magnificent saddles," and he indicated a pile of saddles, lying nearby.

Ali chose a donkey's saddle, and thanking the Sultan, bowed himself out of the palace.

The people from his village who were sure he would be executed, and were waiting for news about it, outside the gate, were astounded to see him.

"The Sultan let you go?" they asked, bemused.
"And why not?" he asked. "I recited a poem in his honor and he rewarded me with one of his best robes."
"The sultan gave you his robe!" They gasped. "Where is it?"

He showed them the donkey's saddle.

Programmer Vs Frog Princess

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want."

Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Mafia's Lawyer

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.

This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.

The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you'retalking about."

That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"

The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!!"

...

The Goldfish Died

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"


"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."


The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"


Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your freakin' cat!"

Funny Telephonic Conversation

Here is a funny telephonic conversation between a Telephone operator and a caller.


Caller: Can I speak to Annie Wan, please?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I only want to speak to Annie Wan.

Operator: Yes, I understand you want to speak to anyone.

Caller: I'm Sam Wan and I'd like to speak to Annie Wan. It's urgent.

Operator: I know you're someone and you'd like to speak t anyone! But what's this urgent matter all about?

Caller: Just tell my sister, Annie Wan, that Noe Wan met with an accident. Noe Wan got injured and Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on the way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one is injured and no one has been sent to the hospital, then why do you say this urgent? You may think it's funny but I certainly don't!

Caller: You're rude! Who are you?

Operator: I am Saw Ree.

Caller: You should be sorry! Now, tell me your name.

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.




Caller: Oh, God.

A funny conversation between Software Engineer and his Wife

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Funny Cake

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