Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Repairing The Phone

A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.

Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.

The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.

A repairman arrived within the hour!

HR and Salary Joke

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;

My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man: 365 days and some times 366

Manager: how many hours make up a day?
Man: 24 hours

Manager: How long do you work in a day?
Man: 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager: So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man: (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager: That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man: 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager: Do you come to work on weekends?
Man: No sir

Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager: Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man: 18 days.

Manager: OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man: 4 days

Manager: Do you work on New Year day?
Man: No sir!

Manager: Do you come to work on workers day?
Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?
Man: 2 days sir!

Manager: Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?
Man: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do you work on Christmas day?
Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?
Man: None sir!

Manager: So, what are you claiming?
Man: I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral: NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR = HIGH RISK

Salary Increase

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!


Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $oh



The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:


Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.


Yours truly,
Manager