Animal Joke

There is a lady laying in bed.

At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says " That's the fat pig I've been sleeping with when I'm not sleeping with you."

His wife gets a confused look on her face and states " but honey that's not a pig its a sheep."

Her husband says " Shut up pig I'm talking to the sheep!"

Programmer and Engineer

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an air plane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it`s a real easy game. He explains,`I ask a question and if you don`t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don`t know the answer I`ll pay you $5.' Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, 'O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don`t know the answer I pay you $50! ` Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?` Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5. Now, its the Engineer`s turn. He asks the Programmer,`What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?` The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, `Well what`s the answer to the question?` Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

Sunday School Lesson

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!