Dedicated Fan

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael.

"Who does that seat belong to?" asked the person in the next seat.
"My wife usually sits there." Michael replied.

"But why isn't she here?" the neighbor persisted
"She died." Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone.

"So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your friends?"
"They've all gone to the funeral." said Michael.

Taxi Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Never Lie To Your Boss

BOSS said to an employee : "Do you believe in Life after Death?


EMPLOYEE : "Certainly not! There 's no proof of it", he replied.



BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral,

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He came here looking for you.!"