The World's Smartest Man?

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.

Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.

"I'm the smartest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."

"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

The Beekeeper

In the town where I live we've got this guy who is about three sandwiches short of a picnic. He drinks in the bar down the road and one night one of the new neighbors stopped in for a pint. Turns out he's a beekeeper and has two or three hives at the bottom of his garden. Somehow we all got to talking about pets and we're comparing them all. The beekeeper tells us that bees are actually quite smart for insects and to prove it told us this:

"Every morning at 5 he'd go out to the hives and flip the latches to let the bees out. They'd all fly down to the park and wouldn't return until around five sharp that evening when he replaced the latch. Our friend (the Looney) started laughing at this point and when we asked why he thought this was funny he said, "cos it's bullshit! Everybody knows the park gates don't open till 10!"

A Kids Guide to buying smart

A little kid was looking at the large ripe watermelons growing in the gardener's melon patch. "I'll give you my twenty five cents for that watermelon," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit in the middle of the patch.

"No," said the gardener, "I get $2 for a Watermelon like that one." The little boy pointed to a tiny watermelon just beginning to grow on a nearby, "Will you take twenty five cents for that one?"

"Sure," replied the gardener, "I'll give you that one for twenty five cents."

"OK," said the little kid, sealing the deal by putting the coin in the gardener's hand, "I'll pick it up in about two weeks."