The Helpful Wife

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

The Speeding Blonde

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop!"

Lawyer Joke

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"